MAR
23
2012

Ephesians 5:21-33 ~ Week 10

Good morning everyone! I hope you are all having a blessed week. We have just finished our 10th week in our Ephesians Study!

Ephesians

 

Ephesians 5:21-33 Instructions for Christian Households

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 

I absolutely L O V E Ephesians! it just gets right to the point don’t you think? I like things straight up, and here it is all lined out for us in Ephesians 5:21-33.

Now, I know in this day and age the term “submit” can be taken the wrong way, by both men and women, but really that is what God has called us to do. The official definition of submit is to yield oneself to the power or authority of another. Not always an easy thing to do. As a wife, submitting to my husband, is really me telling him that I trust him, and that I willingly put my life in his hands.

Now, let’s take a look at our husbands calling. God explicitly tells our husbands to “LOVE” us. And if you notice, it’s not just a so-so kind of love, but the same love that Christ has for His church. The same love that caused Him to give up His life for her, to make her holy and blameless in His sight! W O W! That’s a HIGH calling on our husbands ladies. And really, if you think about it, if our husbands are really seeking and following God’s commands, it would be in our best interests to submit to his authority as head of our homes. And I’m just thankful that’s all I have to do, compared to my husband’s job, mine is easy!

Now, does that mean I’m a door-mat with absolutely no opinions of my own? NO! Certainly not, I’m not wired that way. I’m a take charge kind of gal if you haven’t noticed by now. I like things a certain way, and that can definitely come across in my marriage as well. But when it comes to decisions that affect our home, my husband is where I go first. For the most part, we talk about things before we just go off and do them (minus the hamster incident a few months back, which I apologized for profusely), and it just works better that way. My husband is much more level headed than I am, so I’m thankful to have his opinion and direction.

Right now I’m reading through a book called “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. I have to say I’ve been that surprised by what I’ve read, and I have been surprised that I do things that I never intended in regards to my husband! Mostly things that seem disrespectful to him that I didn’t even realize were.

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So I thought I’d make a little list I could keep for myself to help me to respect my husband, and hopefully it will bless your families as well! The fact that my husband will be reading this will serve as my accountability. Yikes.

10 Ways to Respect My Husband:

1. Pray for him! Our husbands are under constant attack and temptations. Here is a wonderful freebie that can help you get started praying specifically for your husband: 31 days of praying for your husband.

2. Show him respect at home! This is a biggie for me. I tend to feel more comfortable arguing my point when we’re at home, and I can forget that I have 8 little eyes on me. I need to show my husband respect in front of our children which will also confirm his authority in our home! I mentioned the “hampster incident” before. One day we were out getting dog food, when suddenly four extremely convincing kids and one VERY cute hamster (whom we now affectionately refer to as “Squirt”) managed to talk me into taking the little guy home. It seemed harmless enough at first, I mean he only cost $14, I conveniently forgot to think about food, bedding, a cage, toys, food dishes, yada-yada…. you get the point. I think it was a good $100 by the time I walked out the door for a $14 hamster. I realized that my actions that day were really showing my oldest daughter that it was okay to disrespect daddy and do what we wanted regardless of his opinion. I apologized in front of the kids for not seeking his opinion on the matter and had a talk with Strawberry Shortcake to explain why my actions didn’t honor God’s calling for a wife. It was a small incident, but one that I’ll remember. I’m a constant influence on our children and my actions as a wife and mother need to be a godly example to them.

3. Show him respect in public. I’m a sarcastic person. I like to joke around and sometimes it can be at the expense of those close to me. For example, I’m not sure how many of you out there doubt the capabilities of your husbands to find something that’s say right in front of their eyes. But in our house it’s a big joke. Both my husband and my son ask the girls to help them find things. I had to laugh the other day when my son exclaimed “Mom, where are my shoes? You moved the whole house around and now I can’t find anything!” My husband just looked at me and gave a slight smile as if to say “See! It’s not just me!” Now it’s okay for me to have a private little joke at home with my husband, however if I go around telling the whole world that he can’t find anything even if its right in front of his face, then suddenly it’s not so nice anymore. Degrading our spouses in front of others not only makes US look bad, but it makes THEM look bad to others. Not something I would ever intend to do. (Please immediately forget you read this example, I don’t want to bash my wonderfully awesome rock-star of a husband in public!)

4. Don’t argue with his knowledge.  Yet another place I falter. I like to know everything, and for the most part I’m always right. Even if I’m wrong ;o). But arguing or questioning our husbands intellectual skills is disrespectful to them. I tells them that we don’t believe in them, that they’re worthless as a partner. For me this usually comes up when my husband is trying to fix something in the house. I typically suggest calling a professional just because it makes me more comfortable. Sadly this is showing my husband that I don’t believe he’s capable of taking care of our family, which he most definitely is!

5. Say what I mean. Men are fairly direct. They say what they mean and mean what they say. Women on the other hand have a type of internal secret code that can result in us saying one thing and meaning another. I’m sadly a prime example of this, although over the years my husband has gotten better about reading me. For example my “I guess, do whatever you want” response usually means “no way, I’m annoyed you even asked!” He’s gotten better and sometimes jokes with me saying, “Is that the ‘you can go’ as in you can really go, or the type of ‘you can go’ where you’ll be mad at me later?” I’ve gotten better about telling him what I mean, but its still a challenge. I think as women we want our husbands to be able to read our minds, but its an unreal expectation that usually results in disappointment for all involved. It’s really just easier to say what we mean without all the hidden pretense.

6. Be respectful to him even in his absence. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, this usually means to speak respectfully of my husband in front of my children. But it can also extend to how I talk about my husband in front of my friends as well. Venting about my husband to a group of friends really only causes me to resent him more, and my friends to think less of him as well. Venting about my husband to my children is just out of the question entirely. They need to see me submitting to his guidance for our home even when he’s not present.

7. Don’t compare him to other men. Comparing our husbands to other husbands is a recipe for disaster creating only dissention at home. I think we can tend to take all of the best qualities of other peoples husbands and combine them all into one perfect guy that really just doesn’t exist! This man is my husband, God chose him for me, as a perfect gift from above. I need to treat him as the heavenly gift he is.

8. Make myself available to him. With four kids, a house full of animals, and a blog to run, I can be pretty worn out by the end of the day. Sadly that doesn’t leave much left for my husband when he gets home. Still, I need to make myself available to him. To talk to him about his day, fill him in on mine, and yes, make myself accessible intimately as well. I don’t want to embarrass anyone out there, but we have to face the facts. In today’s world there are temptations for our husbands around every corner, on every billboard, and in every workplace. It’s an important role that shouldn’t be overlooked.

9. Keep up my appearance. This isn’t too tough for me, I’ve never been a stay in my jammies all day with no-make up kind of gal. I really do shower each day, put on full make up and get dressed before ever leaving my bedroom. I don’t really do that for my husband,  I think it’s because if I don’t “get ready” in the mornings, then I don’t feel good about myself. Thankfully it serves two purposes! However, even for my kids, I think that dressing nicely is a good value to instill. I don’t want to get dressed up only for special events, but instead I want to get ready for each day. My kids are a special event, and so is my husband. I don’t want him coming home to a wrecked house and a wrecked wife everyday. That wouldn’t be too appealing for me, and neither is it for him I’m sure. I’m not talking so much about weight here ladies, but more about showing our husbands that we care by making an effort with our appearance. I hope you understand what I mean :o)

10. Encourage him. I find that all day long I’m encouraging out kids. “Great job, buddy! That’s the best cursive z I’ve ever seen!” “Oh, good Teeny Tot, you’ve cut out your shape!”  Why would I feel that my husband deserved any less? Telling him that I’m proud of his work, thankful for the fact that he takes care of our family so well, and that he’s home each night to be with us is important! Just like anyone else our husbands need to feel appreciated and valued. Encouraging them in the home, public, and in private are all essential!

 

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If you have fallen behind, don’t worry, it’s not too late! You’ve just read the the 10th week of verses above, so start fresh this week and commit to spend time in the Word each day! You will be blessed for any time you give to the Lord, so don’t sell yourself short, or condemn yourself for not keeping up! Each day is a new opportunity to start fresh and dig into the Word to see what God has for you!

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Comments

  1. Caterina Mangano says:

    Thank you very much for these posts. They help to reevaluate things and give focus and direction.
    Thanks again,
    Caterina

  2. This is a super great post, Erica! There are definitely some areas you have convicted me on, ones I already have been working on but still have a long way to go. Thank you for being so candid. :)

  3. Thank you Erica for sharing ’10 ways to respect my husband’ on your blog. I have three teenagers and a 5 year old that watch what I do on a daily basis. Thanks for giving me a nudge and reminding me of this!!

  4. Oh Erica, I am so glad you posted this! Such an important concept that many mommies overlook or even forget. We are told in the Bible to RESPECT our husbands. Respect. That sums it up and is pretty easy to do but SOOO easy to not do- if we aren’t paying attention. Our society spends much time and money putting out the opposite message it can easily invade our own worldview.

    When I speak on “For Women Only” at conferences this is the exact tact I take and in fact, the Shaunti Feldman book and “For Men Only” by her husband are two I quote from often.

    You’ve done a great job here, Erica. May God continue to bless your ministry.

  5. Thank you for this post!! It is so easy to become complacent. It took me a few years into marriage to realize that praying for my husband changed things SO much more than my spoken word to him. I’ve realized how much respect, admiration and reassurance my husband needs to really thrive and in turn our marriage thrives. It can be a tough world out there for them, we need to help them and be a support for them even when it may not be easy!

  6. Thanks for sharing! I am always working to respect my husband and your 10 ways to respect your husband are refreshing reminders! Thanks!

  7. Thank you for the reminder/ challenge in your 10 ways to respect your husband.

  8. You said it sister! I see myself in most everything you said. Thanks for reminding me how to be a better wife!

  9. Good Morning everyone….

    I could really use some guidance. These directions in how to treat our husbands feel so right, and I want to be a traditional wife in this sense. However, in our household, our roles are somewhat reversed. I work full time, and my husband is home with the kids. We don’t homeschool, but have a daughter with diabetes which necessitates one of us to be home so we can take care of her and respond to the school when needed (she is in kindergarten, but was diagnosed at 22 months).

    The decision as to who would stay home was made in a strictly financial sense. I am a nurse and make a comfortable living for us on one income. His previous job would not have even paid the bills. we have 5 daughters and he enjoys staying home with them (it was his choice), but is not domestic in any way. This causes strife between us, as I still do the shopping, laundry, and most of the housework. I don’t like feeling like I “run the show.” But if I don’t, he doesn’t either.

    How can I help our relationship be more biblical despite our non-traditional roles?

    • My two cents: I would sit down and politely talk with your husband about your concerns. Bottling your feelings will just drive a wedge between you. Establishing communication on touchy subjects is always hard. This may be something you have to revisit in order for it not to become heated. Just state what is needed in your home and that you would like to come to an agreement/compromise on household duties and you would like his help to come up with a plan and leave it at that. Do not argue with him or complain. Pray on it. Then revisit it again. As the idea sits with your husband, maybe he will see the need in your home too and be more willing to help. Another possibility, he may be intimidated by household tasks. I know household chores seem like common sense to us women but some men have never had to do them and don’t know the first thing on how to do it. If this is the case, offer guidance. Or suggest doing chores together, you can spend time together, talk about your day and get the cleaning done in half the time! Try to be understanding and patient. Good luck and Blessings!

      • Ashlyn,

        Thanks for taking the time to reply. Unfortunately, I have done what you suggested many times. The results only last a few days. He just either doesn’t see what I see, or isn’t motivated to do it. He simply wants me to relax my standards, and I think I have. I have been praying about it and things do seem a little better in the last few weeks.

        If the entire family is up doing chores, he pitches in without my asking. I think he feels it needs to be a team event. I agree, but also know that it takes someone staying on top of stuff even on the days we can’t do it as a team. It makes sense that this person is him, since the older kids and I don’t get home until 6pm or later.

        thanks again,

        laura

  10. I love this post, Erica! It is a great reminder of how important being a godly wife is. I’m the more assertive personality out of my husband and I and I tend to have trouble with #2 & 4. I am always praising him away from home and to my friends and family, he is the best husband ever after all. ;) However, I have those moments, at home, where I know I am not doing my best at giving him the respect he deserves. Thanks for the reminder! :)

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