FEB
03
2013

10 Ways to Respect Your Husband

Hi everyone! I’m so excited this month to be taking part in Fulfilling Your Vows…Marriage God’s Way. There are 14 bloggers who came together to host a HUGE Valentine’s giveaway and we’re also doing posts everyday until February 14th that will focus on encouraging you to have a fruitful marriage! To keep up with everything make sure to like the Fulfilling Your Vows facebook page and you will receive daily encouragement in your marriage and find out about all of the awesome giveaways going on!

So onto my topic.

Honestly it pains me to hear friends complain about their spouse, talk about how they aren’t receiving what they need, and how if they’re spouse would just do such and such a thing everything would be grand. All the while never thinking that they could be giving to their spouse without expecting all of these things in return. So today I thought I’d focus on something we can do for our spouse that will bless them in an eternal and unconditional way.

Keep in mind I’m writing from a woman’s point of view…sorry guys…but I’m well…a woman. So today I’m talking about ways we can respect and encourage our husbands. If you’re a male reader and feel like commenting if I’m off base, feel free…but please be kind!

So I have one word for you today…R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Ladies, our men need our respect. They need us to show it to them daily, in front of others, and especially in front of our children. Awhile back I read through a book called “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. I have to say I was a bit surprised by what I read, and I was surprised to learn that I do things that are disrespectful, though unintentional, in regards to my husband.

Let me introduce the man behind Confessions…his name is Jason. And I love him. Isn’t he cute ;o)

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Now, i would never intentionally want to intentionally disrepect this man. I love him with all my heart, and he’s a vital part of our family. So I thought I’d make a little list I could keep for myself to help remind me to respect my husband, and hopefully it will bless your families as well! The fact that my husband reads my posts will serve as my accountability. Yikes.

 10 Ways to Respect Your Husband…

1. Pray for him! Our husbands are under constant attack and temptations. Here is a wonderful freebie that can help you get started praying specifically for your husband: 31 days of praying for your husband.

2. Show him respect at home! This is a biggie for me. I tend to feel more comfortable arguing my point when we’re at home, and I can forget that I have 8 little eyes on me. I need to show my husband respect in front of our children which will also confirm his authority in our home! I mentioned the “hampster incident” before. One day we were out getting dog food, when suddenly four extremely convincing kids and one VERY cute hamster (whom we now affectionately refer to as “Squirt”) managed to talk me into taking the little guy home. It seemed harmless enough at first, I mean he only cost $14, I conveniently forgot to think about food, bedding, a cage, toys, food dishes, yada-yada…. you get the point. I think it was a good $100 by the time I walked out the door for a $14 hamster. I realized that my actions that day were really showing my oldest daughter that it was okay to disrespect daddy and do what we wanted without seeking his approval first. I apologized in front of the kids for not seeking his opinion on the matter and had a talk with Strawberry Shortcake to explain why my actions didn’t honor God’s calling for a wife. It was a small incident, but one that I’ll remember. I’m a constant influence on our children and my actions as a wife and mother need to be a godly example to them.

3. Show him respect in public. I’m a sarcastic person. I like to joke around and sometimes it can be at the expense of those close to me. For example, I’m not sure how many of you out there doubt the capabilities of your husbands to find something that’s say right in front of their eyes. But in our house it’s a big joke. Both my husband and my son ask the girls to help them find things. I had to laugh the other day when my son exclaimed “Mom, where are my shoes? You moved the whole house around and now I can’t find anything!” My husband just looked at me and gave a slight smile as if to say “See! It’s not just me!” Now it’s okay for me to have a private little joke at home with my husband, however if I go around telling the whole world that he can’t find anything even if its right in front of his face, then suddenly it’s not so nice anymore. Degrading our spouses in front of others not only makes US look bad, but it makes THEM look bad to others. Not something I would ever intend to do. (Please immediately forget you read this example, I don’t want to bash my wonderfully awesome rock-star of a husband in public!)

4. Don’t argue with his knowledge.  Yet another place I falter. I like to know everything, and for the most part I’m always right. Even if I’m wrong ;o). But arguing or questioning our husbands intellectual skills is disrespectful to them. I tells them that we don’t believe in them, that they’re worthless as a partner. For me this usually comes up when my husband is trying to fix something in the house. I typically suggest calling a professional just because it makes me more comfortable. Sadly this is showing my husband that I don’t believe he’s capable of taking care of our family, which he most definitely is!

5. Say what I mean. Men are fairly direct. They say what they mean and mean what they say. Women on the other hand have a type of internal secret code that can result in us saying one thing and meaning another. I’m sadly a prime example of this, although over the years my husband has gotten better about reading me. For example my “I guess, do whatever you want” response usually means “no way, I’m annoyed you even asked!” He’s gotten better and sometimes jokes with me saying, “Is that the ‘you can go’ as in you can really go, or the type of ‘you can go’ where you’ll be mad at me later?” I’ve gotten better about telling him what I mean, but its still a challenge. I think as women we want our husbands to be able to read our minds, but its an unreal expectation that usually results in disappointment for all involved. It’s really just easier to say what we mean without all the hidden pretense.

6. Be respectful to him even in his absence. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, this usually means to speak respectfully of my husband in front of my children. But it can also extend to how I talk about my husband in front of my friends as well. Venting about my husband to a group of friends really only causes me to resent him more, and my friends to think less of him as well. Venting about my husband to my children is just out of the question entirely. They need to see me submitting to his guidance for our home even when he’s not present.

7. Don’t compare him to other men. Comparing our husbands to other husbands is a recipe for disaster creating only dissention at home. I think we can tend to take all of the best qualities of other peoples husbands and combine them all into one perfect guy that really just doesn’t exist! This man is my husband, God chose him for me, as a perfect gift from above. I need to treat him as the heavenly gift he is.

8. Make myself available to him. With four kids, a house full of animals, and a blog to run, I can be pretty worn out by the end of the day. Sadly that doesn’t leave much left for my husband when he gets home. Still, I need to make myself available to him. To talk to him about his day, fill him in on mine, and yes, make myself accessible intimately as well. I don’t want to embarrass anyone out there, but we have to face the facts. In today’s world there are temptations for our husbands around every corner, on every billboard, and in every workplace. It’s an important role that shouldn’t be overlooked.

9. Keep up my appearance. This isn’t too tough for me, I’ve never been a stay in my jammies all day with no-make up kind of gal. I really do shower each day, put on full make up and get dressed before ever leaving my bedroom. I don’t really do that for my husband,  I think it’s because if I don’t “get ready” in the mornings, then I don’t feel good about myself. Thankfully it serves two purposes! However, even for my kids, I think that dressing nicely is a good value to instill. I don’t want to get dressed up only for special events, but instead I want to get ready for each day. My kids are a special event, and so is my husband. I don’t want him coming home to a wrecked house and a wrecked wife everyday. That wouldn’t be too appealing for me, and neither is it for him I’m sure. I’m not talking so much about weight here ladies, but more about showing our husbands that we care by making an effort with our appearance. I hope you understand what I mean :o )

10. Encourage him. I find that all day long I’m encouraging out kids. “Great job, buddy! That’s the best cursive z I’ve ever seen!” “Oh, good Teeny Tot, you’ve cut out your shape!”  Why would I feel that my husband deserved any less? Telling him that I’m proud of his work, thankful for the fact that he takes care of our family so well, and that he’s home each night to be with us is important! Just like anyone else our husbands need to feel appreciated and valued. Encouraging them in the home, public, and in private are all essential!

I hope this list will encourage you to lift up your husband and marriage daily! If you’d like a printable version of this, click here to download:

10 Ways to Respect Your Husband

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If your looking for more ways to bless your marriage…here are some of my favorites:

 

Make sure to visit the Fulfilling Your Vows website to see the other lineup of contributing writers and learn about the giveaways!

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Comments

  1. Erica,

    Such a wonderful post! Every last idea you shared is part of the “backbone” of what it means to be a godly wife. I am so blessed that you partnered with us in our 14 day series. You are a blessing to anyone that has the pleasure of meeting you – and I am honored to have your support :)

    Carlie Kercheval

  2. Thanks for being real, Erica. Hope you have a great week!

    Mrs. Sarah Coller

  3. I always love what you have to say…whether it be about marriage or homeschooling. Thank you for these words of encouragement today. I can see many situations in our marriage fitting right into the advice that you gave! More than once I thought, “That happens with her and her husband as well… I thought it was just us!”…especially in the mean what you say! :)

  4. This is a great reminder for me. Thank you for sharing. It really does make things better and happier when we make more of an effort to be aware, present, loving, encouraging… all the things you wrote. But sometimes we all need to remind ourselves that when our daily life gets busy, it’s easy to forget. Thanks!

  5. This is wonderful. I have your blog set to my homepage. I enjoy seeing what new ideas, tricks, fun, and motivational things you are sharing. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to do this and bring so much inspiration to others.

    -God Bless,

  6. Oh this is such a lovely post, I loved it. Each tip was a remind for me, very inspirational TFS!!

  7. This was a much needed reminder for me today! I’ve also read “For Women Only” but I obviously needed a reminder. I cannot even tell you how timely this is! I came to your blog looking to see if you had something interesting I can do with my kids while learning the War of 1812 and instead ran across something I didn’t even know I needed. Thanks!

  8. Wow. This really spoke to my heart today. Thank you for the reminders, I so often forget or don’t take the time to truly show my husband the respect he deserves.

    On a side note, are you able to keep your home as organized and beautiful everyday, as you do in your school room?? I love organization and I love my home, but everyday if feels as if a hurricane has come through.. Please tell me I am not the only one who struggles with this…

    • I just recently came across a very helpful book in this area. It called Sink Reflections. I’m so thankful for the practical advice offered in this book. I have a 2 and 4 year old and expecting our 3rd child next month, and for the first time in my life, I’m excited about the condition of our home and I’m amazed at all the extra time I’ve been having to spend with my boys, not to mention extra time to do the things that I’ve always wanted to do but could never find the time because I was always playing catch-up around the house… like practicing the piano.
      Hope this helps!

    • Hi Ida,
      As a homeschooler it is difficult to keep your home picked up on a daily basis, we live in our homes and are there constantly making clutter and messes! We do a daily pick up after school and then a 10-minute tidy right before my husband comes home. We also do a final pick up at the end of the day prior to bedtime. Kids are responsible for picking up their rooms and toys left around the house. We all work together to keep our home picked up and so that helps!

  9. I went straight to the bathroom and did my makeup after reading your post this morning, LOL! I just wanted to say thank you!

  10. I am totally struggling right now with all of this and I don’t feel respected. We’re in the thick of things with a 9 month old, then 2 and almost 4 year old. I know it will get better but both of us need to work on things alot! Thanks for posting !

  11. This is a great reminder–thank you so much! The things I struggle with the most are being confident in my husband’s abilities (for everything), and praising him a lot in public and when he’s not around. You’re so right–our husband is the man we love most in the world, so why shouldn’t we want to tell him and everybody else how awesome he is??

    Thank you for this!! :)

  12. What excellent advise! A wonderful post. With Valentines Day coming up these wise words (when acted on) are so much more loving than gifts and cards.

  13. Great post. Thanks for your insight and reminders.

  14. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! Much needed! :) Blessings to you and your family!

  15. Great reminders!! Thanks for sharing your heart with you :)

  16. Great post! I “shared” this on my facebook page :)

  17. I learned alot of these tips on a recent marriage conference that my hubby and I went to recently, it’s so true. I think we all need to act on at least one of these things daily as we strive to be better help mates. Thank you so much Erica for challenging me in this area.

  18. I really needed this today. Thank you for sharing.

  19. This is awesome! We all need to be reminded of those things occasionally! I definitely have some of those same issues from time to time. :)

  20. I’m so sorry some of you girls are feeling you need to do these things for the person who loves you and chose to spend their life with you. :( I seriously want to cry. Luckily, my DH respects ME by loving me even in pjs and no make-up and a messy house sometimes. lol! I know he doesn’t look lovingly at billboards of other women on his commute home. Sure, I’m not naive, he looks at other women, just as I look at other men and say “He/she is cute” but we don’t go any further with our thoughts! My God, we are faithful to one another and trust each other wholeheartedly! I feel so sad that some woman have to worry about temptations! :( And we have an open enough and comfortable enough relationship that I can question him or tease him in public, just as he does with me. This post makes me appreciate my hubby SO much more, I honestly sometimes take our marriage for granted, but after seeing what someother spouses are going through…NOT any more! I wish you all the best, for sure. Take some “me time” to really build on self-confidence because I truly believe that helps a marriage, or any relationship, so so much! :)

    • I agreed with most every point in this blog post except the physical appearance point. If a woman wants to make herself up every day (not just clean up but actually do her hair, put on make-up, dress up, etc) that’s fine and dandy and her choice to do. But to insinuate that a woman’s husband is coming home to a “wrecked” wife if she isn’t made completely up is insulting. My husband loves me not my make-up.

      • Agreed! When my husband dated me I was a hot mess. He sure better not expect much more now.

      • I have to say, I do make an effort to look nice for my husband, but here’s the thing – I am also thankful that he makes an effort for ME! No doubt about it, we see each other at our worst and love anyway. We are not talking unrealistic expectations. But I sure like it when my husband showers and wears non-grungy outfits on a weekend… it seems reasonable that he might appreciate it when I make an effort as well. I think it does show some mutual respect in a relationship (and self-respect as well, which Erica mentioned). This isn’t some kind of male-chauvinist thing. It is thoughtfulness.

    • Kate,
      Amen! my thoughts exactly. I really got the feeling reading this post that I was reading something from decades past. Why do some women feel that it is up to men to validate who they are and that fidelity, loyalty or acceptance come from being a submissive, pretty, and “always available” spouse. How about “being yourself” and having enough self-worth to understand that your value comes from how you view yourself…if you’re looking for that from a man, I hate to tell you but it is just not going to happen!

  21. Thank you so much for the awesome blog on respecting your husband!!
    It helped me tremendously!!!

  22. Hi Erica,
    Thank you for this post. It’s important that we encourage one another to be happy in our respective marriages. The dynamic in our relationship changed when my brother-in-law passed away as a result of a car accident. When someone is taken just like that, it puts things into perspective.
    We also took a financial planning class through our church. Ironically enough, being each other’s counselor was at the heart of it. When it came to money, we decided upon an amount that we could spend without needing to consult with one another. We’re not as strict with it as we were at the time, but it did help. As for personal presentation, I can relate to “getting ready” for your day. It’s my personal style to do that. My husband encourages me to stay in pjs sometimes. It’s just not my thing….usually. I can relate to having the little eyes watching us. They do deserve loving homes and good people around them. Bless your heart for sharing this post with us.

    Karina

  23. What a great post.topic. This is such an important topic that is never addressed in many marriages, right from the time of the vows.

    A book that I highly recommend for couples is:
    Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs

    It does an amazing job of covering both sides of the marriage.issues

  24. I think that Kate didn’t read the first half of your post. This is supposed to help us learn to love our husbands unconditionally without expecting anything in return and how we can show him that we respect him. There are temptations out there, and her husband may not be looking but all it takes is one aggressive woman who “wants what you have” to destroy your marriage. I love my husband, he certainly doesn’t expect any of these things from me, but why wouldn’t I want to give him my best? He and our children should be the most deserving of my best. Thank you, Erica, for showing us some ways that we can.

    • “There are temptations out there, and her husband may not be looking but all it takes is one aggressive woman who “wants what you have” to destroy your marriage.”

      So again, it’s all the woman’s fault? It’s the wife’s fault for not being more attractive and it’s the other aggressive woman’s fault for destroying the marriage? How about we start putting just a little responsibility on our husbands for keeping their thoughts pure and their pants zipped. I’m really tired of seeing posts like this that basically lay all of the responsibility on the wife. Sure, as a wife, I like to please my husband, but to insinuate that I have to go through all of the gyrations listed in this blog or else he’ll stray is ludicrous.

  25. Thanks for the tips, I can definitely see how I can be better in all 10 of the tips. I especially love that your number 1 tip is to pray for our husbands. It is so true that there are so many temptations for them not only outside the home but even accessible within the walls of our own homes and the one person that knows him better than us and can help him is God. I will definitely be striving to better myself as a wife!

  26. Thank you for your sweet honesty! I needed to be reminded of so many of these point, well said my friend :)

  27. Thank you for your sweet honesty! I needed to be reminded of so many of these points, well said my friend :)

  28. Hello Erica,
    I read your post and I am wondering if the same goes for husbands toward their wives? The way it is written sounds like the wife should be submisive to a point. I have great respect for you as I’ve followed your blog for about 2 years and ordered your Letter Of The Week and K-4 for my granddaughters. I am also a Christain but to me it is sounding like the husband should have all the respect even if the wife is tired, or having a bad moment or day. Do you not think God feels wives are equal and deserve to be treated as an equal? It’s not that I disagree, I believe it should go both ways. Maybe your husband has, 10 Ways To Respect Your Wife?

    • If you read the first part of my post, you’ll see that husbands are asked to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. Wives are called to respect our husbands. As Christians we are both called to honor one another above ourselves. And of course it’s silly to think that women don’t have bad days at some point, but if you read the title of the post it is about 10 ways I can respect my husband, and as his wife I choose to do those things to bless him. And if we have a Godly husband who follows Jesus , then we can know that we’ll will be respected and loved in return :o)

  29. I like that

  30. This is an amazing list! I love it! And I need to really work on each one of those! I love number 8 and its great that u mentioned that because I hear it way to often my husband complaining because he dont get his time in the bedroom anymore. And Im like well Honey….IM SUUUPER BUSY!!!!! And hes like BUT Honey…I GO TO WQORK EVERY SINGLE DAY! :) Thanks for the reminder on that one Erica! Its a great list!

    • I try to respect that my husband needs time to himself. But he has only about an hour and a half with us at night. Most days I have 12 hours on my own. Reality is he better have enjoyed most of his alone time while he was at work. I let the man watch any game that is on without complaint. I normally feed him dinner and pack lunches. I wash his clothes. And wash most of the dishes. if I drop the ball he’s capable of fulfilling those needs. He comes home plays with children and reads bedtime stories and gives piggy back rides. I make sure when he’s exhausted that I tuck kids in bed instead of.. Truly though he spends the evening with our children being a father. I respect that he is our bread winner and that it is my job to care for him. Reality is though there’s only so much of me also. Some Saturdays we do an entire week worth of laundry together or wash an explosion of dishes that are taking over my entire counter. There’s simply not enough of him for me to ask for such help in the evenings. And it’s more important to me that my children grow up with an active father.

  31. I’m so glad you didn’t shy away from mentioning the intimacy part. I know its something that lots of Christians don’t like to talk about but as you said it is so very important. I have learned the hard way how important to our husbands this is. I have unknowingly really hurt my husband in this area over the years. God has revealed many things to me over the years and I’m so thankful for his guidance. Thank you for reminding us that this is a very important role for us wives to fill.

  32. Great reminders for all of us who are married. Some of the above comments insinuated that a woman is subservient or that these are “expectations” from a husband, when that is clearly not what you wrote or how I understood it. I think these are great ways we can better ourselves as INDIVIDUALS who are their best selves for our spouses. I have 3 kids under the age of 4 and am pregnant with another, so yes, there are days when I shower and then put sweats on. I know my husband won’t love me any less, but those are the days that I love ME even less; the days I get up and get ready and am productive are the days I am most willing to sacrifice for him or put extra effort into making HIS day great.

    I would love to suggest Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s books, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage” and “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. These books directly coincide w/ these steps and will better your marriage, I promise! (And no, they are not all about us doing all the work)!

  33. Christina Drake says:

    Erica, I am thankful to have found your website….it has been exactly what I need! I’m homeschooling for the first time this year for the same reasons you have brought out. I’m excited and overwhelmed feeling at the same time. I am starting the “31 Days of praying for your husband” and “Homeschooling vision..10 day” journey! What is funny is that I had skipped to the “organization” part first and read to the part where you said that if we haven’t been through the first day yet, to turn around ha ha! So, I turned around and I’m glad I did. You take me step by step to where the overwhelming feeling goes away. This is my only resource site I use for homeschooling! When I first came to your website I instantly felt peace and a crisp clean…I had a warm witness from God on the inside letting me know this was help he sent for me. I teared up and am constant with this site now. He spoke to my heart and said I am teachable…so I took that, also, as confirmation that this is help from Him. Thank you for starting your site!

  34. Wow! What fantastic ways to honor your husband. I am one of those PJ gals. I am always having to remember to get ready before my husband gets home. It is also the one that is most important to him. I remember when my kids were little and how excited they would be when daddy got home. When I noticed that, I tried to do the same thing, remember that I really was excited that he was home and treat him that way. Keep up the effort. We, as wives, will be happy we put all these investments into our husbands when our kids leave and we are still happily married!

  35. Fantastic.; it’s that simple. Thank you!

  36. I absolutely agree that husbands must be respected…everyone must be respected, but I believe you equate respect with submission…As I read, I felt that I was looking at an article/ or letter to women written in the 1950’s. ” I need to show my husband respect in front of our children which will also confirm his authority in our home!” (I hope that you mean that you confirm that you too have authority and you’re validating his autonomy and individuality by showing him respect, NOT that he is the biggest authority in your home). “make myself available to him” Seriously? if one of the main reasons for you “making yourself available to him” is because you fear that he may be unfaithful to you, then you need to reevaluate your self esteem and your perception of what loyalty means and evaluate that as a wife, you are an equal partner to your spouse.

  37. Praise The Lord Jesus Christ!!!! I am a 32 year old man blessed with a wife and three daughters. I am a born again christian, and would love to see all four of these women come to have there own walks with The Lord. Please would you all put them in your prayers for salvation? Time is fleeting days are so short. Oh Lord thank you for your women of faith. To any brothers that read this lets band together and praise God for the women in our lives. Peace be with you all. Joel

  38. Thank you so much for this post. It’s a great guide and reminder. Very inspirational. God bless you and yours.

  39. The words Thank You does NOT seem sufficient for the gratitude that I feel in my heart.
    I have been married for 29 years to the love of my life!! Mark was a pastor for 10 years and prior to that 6 1/2 years as an associate pastor. We are now in a season of not being in the pastorate. Well, it seems like somehow we were so busy “pouring” into other peoples lives that we neglected “us”. Just recently I went to a Women’s Encounter with our church. The Lord truly “refreshed” my heart. I feel like my heart is actually beating again with life and that my heart is now pliable. Yay!! Well, just this past Tuesday morning after my devotion I asked the Lord to show me how I could show Mark that I respect and honor him. I felt led to google this question and then went to your website!! WOW!! Be careful what you ask for because God will give you an answer and then you are accountable for what He shows us to do!! Af first I was excited and then saddened to face the truth that I have not been showing Mark respect/honor. BUT, this is changing thanks to your website!! Did I tell you that I am excited?? I have been posting on FB and many of my friends are jumping on board to showing their husband respect/honor also!! Lives are being changed and marriages are being transformed!! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Did I tell you that I am excited?? LOL One transformed wife, Elaine :>)

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