Hi everyone! I’m so excited this month to be taking part in Fulfilling Your Vows…Marriage God’s Way. There are 14 bloggers who came together to host a HUGE Valentine’s giveaway and we’re also doing posts everyday until February 14th that will focus on encouraging you to have a fruitful marriage! To keep up with everything make sure to like the Fulfilling Your Vows facebook page and you will receive daily encouragement in your marriage and find out about all of the awesome giveaways going on!
So onto my topic.
Honestly it pains me to hear friends complain about their spouse, talk about how they aren’t receiving what they need, and how if they’re spouse would just do such and such a thing everything would be grand. All the while never thinking that they could be giving to their spouse without expecting all of these things in return. So today I thought I’d focus on something we can do for our spouse that will bless them in an eternal and unconditional way.
Keep in mind I’m writing from a woman’s point of view…sorry guys…but I’m well…a woman. So today I’m talking about ways we can respect and encourage our husbands. If you’re a male reader and feel like commenting if I’m off base, feel free…but please be kind!
So I have one word for you today…R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Ladies, our men need our respect. They need us to show it to them daily, in front of others, and especially in front of our children. Awhile back I read through a book called “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. I have to say I was a bit surprised by what I read, and I was surprised to learn that I do things that are disrespectful, though unintentional, in regards to my husband.
Let me introduce the man behind Confessions…his name is Jason. And I love him. Isn’t he cute ;o)
Now, i would never intentionally want to intentionally disrepect this man. I love him with all my heart, and he’s a vital part of our family. So I thought I’d make a little list I could keep for myself to help remind me to respect my husband, and hopefully it will bless your families as well! The fact that my husband reads my posts will serve as my accountability. Yikes.
10 Ways to Respect Your Husband…
1. Pray for him! Our husbands are under constant attack and temptations. Here is a wonderful freebie that can help you get started praying specifically for your husband: 31 days of praying for your husband.
2. Show him respect at home! This is a biggie for me. I tend to feel more comfortable arguing my point when we’re at home, and I can forget that I have 8 little eyes on me. I need to show my husband respect in front of our children which will also confirm his authority in our home! I mentioned the “hampster incident” before. One day we were out getting dog food, when suddenly four extremely convincing kids and one VERY cute hamster (whom we now affectionately refer to as “Squirt”) managed to talk me into taking the little guy home. It seemed harmless enough at first, I mean he only cost $14, I conveniently forgot to think about food, bedding, a cage, toys, food dishes, yada-yada…. you get the point. I think it was a good $100 by the time I walked out the door for a $14 hamster. I realized that my actions that day were really showing my oldest daughter that it was okay to disrespect daddy and do what we wanted without seeking his approval first. I apologized in front of the kids for not seeking his opinion on the matter and had a talk with Strawberry Shortcake to explain why my actions didn’t honor God’s calling for a wife. It was a small incident, but one that I’ll remember. I’m a constant influence on our children and my actions as a wife and mother need to be a godly example to them.
3. Show him respect in public. I’m a sarcastic person. I like to joke around and sometimes it can be at the expense of those close to me. For example, I’m not sure how many of you out there doubt the capabilities of your husbands to find something that’s say right in front of their eyes. But in our house it’s a big joke. Both my husband and my son ask the girls to help them find things. I had to laugh the other day when my son exclaimed “Mom, where are my shoes? You moved the whole house around and now I can’t find anything!” My husband just looked at me and gave a slight smile as if to say “See! It’s not just me!” Now it’s okay for me to have a private little joke at home with my husband, however if I go around telling the whole world that he can’t find anything even if its right in front of his face, then suddenly it’s not so nice anymore. Degrading our spouses in front of others not only makes US look bad, but it makes THEM look bad to others. Not something I would ever intend to do. (Please immediately forget you read this example, I don’t want to bash my wonderfully awesome rock-star of a husband in public!)
4. Don’t argue with his knowledge. Yet another place I falter. I like to know everything, and for the most part I’m always right. Even if I’m wrong ;o). But arguing or questioning our husbands intellectual skills is disrespectful to them. I tells them that we don’t believe in them, that they’re worthless as a partner. For me this usually comes up when my husband is trying to fix something in the house. I typically suggest calling a professional just because it makes me more comfortable. Sadly this is showing my husband that I don’t believe he’s capable of taking care of our family, which he most definitely is!
5. Say what I mean. Men are fairly direct. They say what they mean and mean what they say. Women on the other hand have a type of internal secret code that can result in us saying one thing and meaning another. I’m sadly a prime example of this, although over the years my husband has gotten better about reading me. For example my “I guess, do whatever you want” response usually means “no way, I’m annoyed you even asked!” He’s gotten better and sometimes jokes with me saying, “Is that the ‘you can go’ as in you can really go, or the type of ‘you can go’ where you’ll be mad at me later?” I’ve gotten better about telling him what I mean, but its still a challenge. I think as women we want our husbands to be able to read our minds, but its an unreal expectation that usually results in disappointment for all involved. It’s really just easier to say what we mean without all the hidden pretense.
6. Be respectful to him even in his absence. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, this usually means to speak respectfully of my husband in front of my children. But it can also extend to how I talk about my husband in front of my friends as well. Venting about my husband to a group of friends really only causes me to resent him more, and my friends to think less of him as well. Venting about my husband to my children is just out of the question entirely. They need to see me submitting to his guidance for our home even when he’s not present.
7. Don’t compare him to other men. Comparing our husbands to other husbands is a recipe for disaster creating only dissention at home. I think we can tend to take all of the best qualities of other peoples husbands and combine them all into one perfect guy that really just doesn’t exist! This man is my husband, God chose him for me, as a perfect gift from above. I need to treat him as the heavenly gift he is.
8. Make myself available to him. With four kids, a house full of animals, and a blog to run, I can be pretty worn out by the end of the day. Sadly that doesn’t leave much left for my husband when he gets home. Still, I need to make myself available to him. To talk to him about his day, fill him in on mine, and yes, make myself accessible intimately as well. I don’t want to embarrass anyone out there, but we have to face the facts. In today’s world there are temptations for our husbands around every corner, on every billboard, and in every workplace. It’s an important role that shouldn’t be overlooked.
9. Keep up my appearance. This isn’t too tough for me, I’ve never been a stay in my jammies all day with no-make up kind of gal. I really do shower each day, put on full make up and get dressed before ever leaving my bedroom. I don’t really do that for my husband, I think it’s because if I don’t “get ready” in the mornings, then I don’t feel good about myself. Thankfully it serves two purposes! However, even for my kids, I think that dressing nicely is a good value to instill. I don’t want to get dressed up only for special events, but instead I want to get ready for each day. My kids are a special event, and so is my husband. I don’t want him coming home to a wrecked house and a wrecked wife everyday. That wouldn’t be too appealing for me, and neither is it for him I’m sure. I’m not talking so much about weight here ladies, but more about showing our husbands that we care by making an effort with our appearance. I hope you understand what I mean )
10. Encourage him. I find that all day long I’m encouraging out kids. “Great job, buddy! That’s the best cursive z I’ve ever seen!” “Oh, good Teeny Tot, you’ve cut out your shape!” Why would I feel that my husband deserved any less? Telling him that I’m proud of his work, thankful for the fact that he takes care of our family so well, and that he’s home each night to be with us is important! Just like anyone else our husbands need to feel appreciated and valued. Encouraging them in the home, public, and in private are all essential!
I hope this list will encourage you to lift up your husband and marriage daily! If you’d like a printable version of this, click here to download:
10 Ways to Respect Your Husband
If your looking for more ways to bless your marriage…here are some of my favorites:
- The Love Dare (Click here to see our journey through The Love Dare!)
- 31 days of praying for your husband
- For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
- For Men Only by Shanti and Jeff Feldhahn
- Married and How to Stay That Way by Steve Carr
Make sure to visit the Fulfilling Your Vows website to see the other lineup of contributing writers and learn about the giveaways!
Thank you so much for the awesome blog on respecting your husband!!
It helped me tremendously!!!
Thank you for this post. It’s important that we encourage one another to be happy in our respective marriages. The dynamic in our relationship changed when my brother-in-law passed away as a result of a car accident. When someone is taken just like that, it puts things into perspective.
We also took a financial planning class through our church. Ironically enough, being each other’s counselor was at the heart of it. When it came to money, we decided upon an amount that we could spend without needing to consult with one another. We’re not as strict with it as we were at the time, but it did help. As for personal presentation, I can relate to “getting ready” for your day. It’s my personal style to do that. My husband encourages me to stay in pjs sometimes. It’s just not my thing….usually. I can relate to having the little eyes watching us. They do deserve loving homes and good people around them. Bless your heart for sharing this post with us.
What a great post.topic. This is such an important topic that is never addressed in many marriages, right from the time of the vows.
A book that I highly recommend for couples is:
Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs
It does an amazing job of covering both sides of the marriage.issues
I think that Kate didn’t read the first half of your post. This is supposed to help us learn to love our husbands unconditionally without expecting anything in return and how we can show him that we respect him. There are temptations out there, and her husband may not be looking but all it takes is one aggressive woman who “wants what you have” to destroy your marriage. I love my husband, he certainly doesn’t expect any of these things from me, but why wouldn’t I want to give him my best? He and our children should be the most deserving of my best. Thank you, Erica, for showing us some ways that we can.
“There are temptations out there, and her husband may not be looking but all it takes is one aggressive woman who “wants what you have” to destroy your marriage.”
So again, it’s all the woman’s fault? It’s the wife’s fault for not being more attractive and it’s the other aggressive woman’s fault for destroying the marriage? How about we start putting just a little responsibility on our husbands for keeping their thoughts pure and their pants zipped. I’m really tired of seeing posts like this that basically lay all of the responsibility on the wife. Sure, as a wife, I like to please my husband, but to insinuate that I have to go through all of the gyrations listed in this blog or else he’ll stray is ludicrous.
Thanks for the tips, I can definitely see how I can be better in all 10 of the tips. I especially love that your number 1 tip is to pray for our husbands. It is so true that there are so many temptations for them not only outside the home but even accessible within the walls of our own homes and the one person that knows him better than us and can help him is God. I will definitely be striving to better myself as a wife!
Thank you for your sweet honesty! I needed to be reminded of so many of these point, well said my friend 🙂
Thank you for your sweet honesty! I needed to be reminded of so many of these points, well said my friend 🙂
I read your post and I am wondering if the same goes for husbands toward their wives? The way it is written sounds like the wife should be submisive to a point. I have great respect for you as I’ve followed your blog for about 2 years and ordered your Letter Of The Week and K-4 for my granddaughters. I am also a Christain but to me it is sounding like the husband should have all the respect even if the wife is tired, or having a bad moment or day. Do you not think God feels wives are equal and deserve to be treated as an equal? It’s not that I disagree, I believe it should go both ways. Maybe your husband has, 10 Ways To Respect Your Wife?
If you read the first part of my post, you’ll see that husbands are asked to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. Wives are called to respect our husbands. As Christians we are both called to honor one another above ourselves. And of course it’s silly to think that women don’t have bad days at some point, but if you read the title of the post it is about 10 ways I can respect my husband, and as his wife I choose to do those things to bless him. And if we have a Godly husband who follows Jesus , then we can know that we’ll will be respected and loved in return :o)
I like that
This is an amazing list! I love it! And I need to really work on each one of those! I love number 8 and its great that u mentioned that because I hear it way to often my husband complaining because he dont get his time in the bedroom anymore. And Im like well Honey….IM SUUUPER BUSY!!!!! And hes like BUT Honey…I GO TO WQORK EVERY SINGLE DAY! 🙂 Thanks for the reminder on that one Erica! Its a great list!
I try to respect that my husband needs time to himself. But he has only about an hour and a half with us at night. Most days I have 12 hours on my own. Reality is he better have enjoyed most of his alone time while he was at work. I let the man watch any game that is on without complaint. I normally feed him dinner and pack lunches. I wash his clothes. And wash most of the dishes. if I drop the ball he’s capable of fulfilling those needs. He comes home plays with children and reads bedtime stories and gives piggy back rides. I make sure when he’s exhausted that I tuck kids in bed instead of.. Truly though he spends the evening with our children being a father. I respect that he is our bread winner and that it is my job to care for him. Reality is though there’s only so much of me also. Some Saturdays we do an entire week worth of laundry together or wash an explosion of dishes that are taking over my entire counter. There’s simply not enough of him for me to ask for such help in the evenings. And it’s more important to me that my children grow up with an active father.